Dear reader,
It’s been a bit since my last Daily Drip. By now, you’ve likely seen that two weeks ago, I lost my brother-in-law, Khris to a heart attack. This is three years after my sister died of cancer, leaving my nephews, Jaxon, 9 and Atticus, 7 parentless.
I started a GoFundMe for my parents to support the funeral costs and new expenses of raising two small children. The overwhelming response helped cover the service, the exorbitant legal fees for gaining custody, and more. I passed the account off to my father for management and withdrawal, but if you gave, just know that I love you beyond any simple expression of thanks. And if you met these kids, you’d be proud to know whose immediate futures you’re supporting. I’m currently working on a piece about the whole experience; your patience has been most appreciated during this stretch of silence.
I’ve been attempting to find normalcy during my two weeks off between jobs. I went to Miami and had a nice time escaping the cold, though I couldn’t quite escape my thoughts. Still, it was a shot at control that I’m glad I took with some good meals and a whisper of a tan to show for it. I think I’ve done and consumed and contemplated enough to share this week, so let’s get back into it:
Drinking: A decaf americano with cream. My usual, which has been something of an inconvenience lately that I briefly touched upon here. I decided recently that I want to share more writing on Instagram. I cut back on longer captions for a while thinking no one would read them, but then I realized: 1.) Who cares? I’m writing for myself, and 2.) I read plenty of other people’s, so who’s to say no one will appreciate mine?
Currently Reading: Breath, Eyes, Memory by Edwidge Danticat. It really irks me how infrequently I’ve heard her mentioned among prose greats. She has Didion’s concision with Baldwin’s texture and ability to transport.
Listening to: “Rosie” by John Mayer. Last night I was cooking stuffed peppers while playing with Mousse and listening to John Mayer and I realized this is what life is really about; the rest is just background noise. It’s the kind of simplicity one picks up in 25 years in rural Pennsylvania. We like groovy guitars, cream cheese-based recipes, and four-legged friends. We’re inherently homebodyish because we make home a source of ease and delight, an escape from the pressures and temptations of urban life. For anyone needing a simple, indulgent recipe…
Season two chicken breasts with chili powder, avocado oil, and, if you have them, Trader Joe’s Elote and Umami seasonings (just add some salt and whatever otherwise). Bake uncovered on 400 for 20 minutes. Cool and shred.
Mix shredded chicken with ½ cup of rice, ¼ cup of cream cheese (I use whipped), ¼ cup of Mexican blend cheese, two chopped scallions, ½ cup of salsa verde, ½ tsp of salt, and a bunch of Cholula.
Halve two red bell peppers (remove the guts) and stuff with filling. Top with a sprinkle of Mexican blend cheese and more scallions. Bake for 45 minutes-1 hr on 350.
Just Started: Invisalign. What a process. I really thought they just hand you your trays and you leave, wear them liberally during the day for six months or so, and enjoy Straight Teeth Privilege for the rest of your life. How cute of me.
First, they literally *sand* between some of your teeth. For what, I am unsure—presumably to open up space for shifting? My doctor said it doesn’t harm your enamel. I had this giant contraption in my mouth, so I couldn’t ask questions. Then, they apply these translucent button fixtures to your teeth that hold the trays in place, which feel uncannily like braces (PTSD much?). Then, you learn you must wear your trays for 22 hours a day, only removing to eat, and that you must carry a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss on you at all times. Then, you go home and learn it’s the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. Your teeth feel like they’re going to fall out, and the foreign objects in your mouth only make your (my) cross-bite discomfort more pronounced. Buckle in, because the average treatment takes between 12-18 months!
I’ve had problems with my teeth from the second they grew in. Now that I’m an adult (with a dentist as a social media client and therefore help affording treatment), I can fix this pain I’ve had my entire life. So beneath my Day 1 drama, it’s really quite a cool and privileged thing to do.
I also got Botox yesterday. I usually just do my 11s (lines between the eyebrows), but this time we also did a few units along the top of my forehead where a line is slowly forming. I was supposed to get filler in my nasolabial folds (lines around the mouth) as well, but I had this momentary fear of chasing perfection’s mirage that made me forgo. I think between the Invisalign and added Botox, I felt faintly separate from myself. The thing is, I like that I’ll never be a conventional 10. Even when I’ve been embarrassed by my teeth, I’ve always liked them, because they felt my own. A source of aesthetic resistance, even when I paradoxically bend to beauty standards elsewhere.
Obsessed with: I went from running in an old, beat-up pair of Brooks that I grew to hate… to two new pairs of truly sick sneakers. Let’s review.
Nike React Infinity Run Flyknit 2: Points lost off the bat because no sneaker should ever have such a long name. These I got tested and fitted for at Philadelphia Runner where the sales associate determined I could use a stability shoe. And stable these babies are. They truly feel like a bootie the way they hold your foot, and the high arch creates a roll effect that propels you forward.
Hoka Rincon 3: Andrew gifted me these bad boys. They have Hoka’s signature cushioned sole with a lighter, narrower feel for increased tempo. If the Nikes taught me injury prevention, surely the Rincon taught me that no matter what, nothing can ever replace Hoka.
Yesterday I hit my 100-mile January running goal to kick off my 1000-mile year goal. I really only need to run 84ish miles a month to get just over 1000 miles for the year, but I want to hit as many 100-mile months as possible to set the bar higher. I have loose plans to run the Philly marathon with a friend, so here's hoping those long training days will bulk up the months (if I can stick to it).
Currently Watching: Season 2 of the Netflix docuseries, Cheer. Is it just me, or are the two big quarantine return shows (Euphoria and Cheer) incredibly disjointed this season? I can’t follow any reasonable timeline in either.
Thinking: About these Vogue model videos on YouTube. Last night I was watching something unrelated, and YouTube suggested one featuring Meghan Roche, a striking, 21-year old angel from Buck’s County. Roche takes us around NYC where she’s lived since starting modeling at 16, eating an acai bowl, backstage at the Brandon Maxwell show during NYFW. I went from having no knowledge or curiosity of this person to being unable to look away. What is the fascination with these videos, and with models in general? It’s not always that they’re the most beautiful women in the world, but that their strong eyebrows and their towering heights earn them a ticket. This ticket opens doors unknown to us earthlings and our thick thighs and desk jobs. There’s also a comforting distance from traditional celebrity that adds an approachability to models. An anonymity that feels more prestigious than winning an Oscar. And the way they maintain this aloofness toward it all, like it’s all so fucking regular.
Wanting: To get back on my Let’s Be Friends series this month! Got an interesting hobby, career, story, etc. and want to talk about yourself for a little? Know some fascinating person who’d never elect themselves? Hit me up.
We’re one month into the new year, which means plenty of fun stuff is coming behind a paywall. Get in front of that by supporting this newsletter for $5/month or $30/year. As always, thanks for reading.
I'm sorry about Khris and I hope for all the best for the kids.
I spend a lot of time thinking about Botox and beauty and failing to understand either. Stop attempting to find normalcy. I'm pretty sure it got murdered.
My condolences to you and your family.