Quote of the Week: “People go through life eating lamb chops and breaking their mother’s hearts.”— Eve Babitz, Sex and Rage
Listening to: “House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls” by The Weeknd. I’ve had a hard time accepting his evolution from haunted strip club chanteur to synth-pop machine. I promise I’ll listen to Dawn FM soon; I just need to remind myself why I like him so I can approach it from a place of kindness.
Obsessed with: The viral Julia Fox/Ye stunt from Interview. It’s so deliciously out of touch! A post-prom diary entry written by the richest, most bored girl from your high school. It does a good job underscoring our relationship to the cult of celebrity as performer and voyeur. Fox straddles Ye in a low-lit hotel room surrounded by expensive clothes. We rush to Twitter with our thoughts. The cycle continues.
Feeling: Grateful, nervous, ready, etc. I can’t announce this across social media without spilling the beans here, too. I just accepted a job offer in marketing at Comcast. Phew. It took so much to get to this point: months of long interview processes at different companies in which I was made to believe I had the job, only to get rejected; lots of journaling to make peace with wanting to pivot from nonprofits to corporate America. I don’t think an hour has passed that I haven’t thought, “Woah. This is happening.”
Working at a low-income school for over five years, it’s easy to get self-righteous about the kind of work you do. It makes you feel above a certain capitalist evil… until you realize you’re 30 years old making less than kids who’ve barely graduated, creatively stifled and so far from your vision of a successful life. It’s a sick thing to measure fulfillment by boxes checked rather than the present moment, but you have to surrender to pragmatism at some point (and, of course, the pressing truth that you’re bored and ready to grow).
Over the years, my team and I would sometimes work out of conference rooms at the Comcast Center where donors who happened to be high-level executives there would give us a break from our crammed office at the school. I remember this acute sense of longing, which sounds hilarious in retrospect—corporate life as a romantic subject. But when you’re unhappy, any big skyscraper filled with natural light and people who look glad to be at work seems utopian. Things feel very full circle and right.
Excited for: In my bit of time off between jobs, Andrew and I booked a trip to Miami. This will actually be my first time there, so I’m excited for four luxurious days of palm trees and vibrant food. Oh, and vitamin D now that I’m finally getting pale.
Yesterday I stocked up on healthy food to get my body “Miami ready,” whatever that means. I know, we love to label this disordered. It’s not that deep, babe. But the point of sharing this is to laugh about the fact that I then proceeded to make creamy pasta and chicken cutlets swimming in oil for dinner, and have a friend’s birthday dinner tonight where I’ll be eating pasta again. What can I say? I’m simply not cut out for cutting season. La pasta è vita e basta!
Just Watched: The season two premiere of Euphoria. My obsession with this show runs deep. It’s not often we’re graced with a true sensory experience on television, and Euphoria melts my brain into dirty sprite in a double cup. This premiere was especially well-executed with the Fezco backstory. Fez is easily my favorite character. What’s more sympathetic and addictive than a low-talking white drug dealer? And, what’s better than learning Angus Cloud was a complete non-celebrity, reportedly working at “a chicken and waffles joint,” plucked off the streets of New York for simply having the grimy swag envisioned for the part? If you didn’t run with someone like this in your youth, we have little in common. His appeal is something I’m thinking about expanding upon for deeper dive, so stay tuned. Or don’t.
Thinking: I went on a Twitter rant already, but this deserves permanence and a larger audience: I’m over delivery food. On Sunday, I was hungover after beers on top of beers on top of gin & tonics for my girl’s birthday. The celebration is worth it, but you do find yourself slogging through a trash “routine” in the aftermath: couch, doom scroll, Grubhub. And somehow the Grubhub ended up being the worst part. This was a truth I’d been denying for a while out of laziness and the undying belief that it’ll be better next time. It never is. I ordered Thai and received cold, depressing mush. The effects were so bad, I started pondering what I could have bought with that $30: New socks! A Barry’s Bootcamp class! Exactly 1,028,437.15 SHIB at 10:46 AM on January 11th! I’ve decided the only delivery foods I’m allowing myself henceforth are those that consistently come through for me: Chinese, Indian, and anything from a shitty pizza shop, especially around my period. Keep me accountable.
Just got: Balayage. And so continues my perpetual hair identity crisis. There’s something dispiriting about paying $275 to look the same, with a haircut that didn’t even meet your request. I don’t know, friends. I have a pretty thick skin toward hair now that I got a short cut out of my system, but I’m getting a little “grow it out forever” nihilistic again, which is never good.
Working on: A piece that explores our need to identify with villains and neurotics. This was inspired by Ghislaine Maxwell’s 2005 skincare routine leaking during her trial last month, buried in a 58-page list of “house rules” at Epstein’s Palm Beach mansion. It’s fascinating the way we love to see ourselves in the everyday behaviors of those perceived bad, or even just offbeat—like it gives us an edge by proximity.
Wow really related to the romanticization of corporate life and surrender to pragmatism. I'm making very little money these days doing a job I don't love, and the decision to move on from that is surprisingly fraught. Anyway, congrats on the job--wishing you lots of room to grow creatively!
ian and I just talked about how we’re over fast food/delivery/convenience food - glad to see we’re not the only ones. Congrats on the new job, lovey!!