Quote of the Week: “It’s a hard grape to grow, as you know. It’s thin-skinned, temperamental. Ripens early. It’s not a survivor like Cabernet which can just grow anywhere and thrive even when it’s neglected. Pinot needs constant care and attention. In fact, it can only grow in these really specific, little tucked away corners of the world. And only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot’s potential… can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, it’s flavors they’re just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and ancient on the planet.” – Paul Giamatti as Miles in Sideways
I’ve been sick for a week with some gnarly respiratory virus. (Yes, I took multiple c*vid tests and I hate that I feel the need to say that. God, we’re fucked.) One of the only tolerable things about illness is the forced pause from productivity, and even that’s only nice if you can forget how the world works for a bit. Because my brain’s been too zapped to write anything coherent anyway, I’ve been digging through old sources of creative inspiration. This scene from Sideways (one of my all-time favorite movies) just hits. Even beyond the poetry of his speech, it’s such a perfect portrayal of two people in a brand new, romantically precarious situation. The whole “this is going really well, are we going to sleep together?” energy. Chef’s kiss.
Thinking: So obviously the majority of my sick time is spent consuming meaningless content, like Alix Earle (et al) TikToks. It is fun and oddly comforting to watch 22-year-old Miami blondes dot the perimeter of their faces with Charlotte Tilbury contour wands. So fun and oddly comforting that I found myself auditing my own makeup, eventually applying a full face just to sit around the house, using some of the methodologies I’d seen in their videos. As I was snapping selfies of my good job, I realized these girls probably look great in most photos. Which made me think… should I be doing this regularly so that I look better in photos more often? And then I thought… are we even supposed to look amazing in every photo? This is all totally rhetorical.
I think the beauty industry has always been massive—that social media only makes it seem bigger and scarier because now we’re sitting in every girl’s bathroom, being shown, step by step, how to pull a rabbit out of a hat. And with that newfound intimacy comes a new way of thinking about makeup—like perhaps I, too, could never have to think about whether my undereyes look dark and hollow in the group pic if I douse them in white powder, bright and youthful against the camera flash, the way Alix Earle does.
I don’t know. It’s all dizzyingly wonderful but I still kind of like not loving every photo of myself. Makes the cute ones way more special.
Listening to: “Gibson Girl” by Ethel Cain because why not keep things steamy? I’m also just really, really obsessed with Ethel Cain right now. This interview from Meaghan Garvey’s newsletter does a great job probing her Southern gothic allure: “...the lonesome highway, the haunted gas station, the apocalypse billboard, the antlers hung on wood-paneled interior.” Even if you’re sick of people slapping aesthetic labels on everything, there’s no escaping Ethel Cain-core. Because the 25-year-old Florida native chooses to exist in and write about the seedy underbelly of rural America. And from that, this creepy, sexy, tender alternative to the LA/New York mainstream has risen, and it’s captivated discerning fans who want a compelling character who isn’t just like, some director’s niece. Check out Ethel Cain’s active Tumblr account and see for yourself. (Are my white trash roots showing? Yes? Good.)
April Playlist: What’s on loop during this most liminal spring month as we enter Mercury retrograde? Listen here.
ICYMI: My most recent piece, “The Feminine Urge to Destroy Your Life.” You know the vibes. Short and sweet, but still feels like a cartoon anvil lifted from my chest.
What I Wore: I’ve gotten many a fit off lately, but my favorite was probably this Loveshackfancy dress (via TJ Maxx, duh) with big pearl hoops and Sambas for a work trip to NYC.
Scent of the Day: Most of you know I’m a budding fragrance head. I read about perfume. I’ve written about perfume. I ask strangers what they’re wearing. It’s a key element of my sensory devotion. And for some reason lately, I’ve been reaching almost exclusively for this little Sol de Janeiro body spray. It’s cheap and cloying, reminiscent of 90s pool days. Just salted caramel beachy yumminess that somehow doesn’t totally disappear within an hour? Sometimes spraying a whole ass EDP after my post-run shower feels wasteful, and just generally like the experience is off. But the enormous mist of a body spray? It’s almost athletic in and of itself. It just makes sense.
Loving: All the Coachella content. If you’ve been asking yourself, “do people really enjoy this shit?” with every crochet outfit photo dump and Frank Ocean rant, the answer is yes, we exist! Having been to Coachella years back, I get the annual itch to remind everyone that it’s actually not just Instagram on ice. Maybe it’s just that I’ve been to so many grimy dubstep festivals where everyone goes home with full body poison ivy, the wook flu, and a full day lost to poor festival logistics that they won’t refund you for. I appreciate the well-maintained grounds and flawless curation of Coachella. I want to go back someday. I’m also really stoked on Pangbourne House Mafia closing that shit out, cementing a mainstream dance music revival in the US. (I have watched this video 300 times.) It’s giving 2013 in the best way.
Just Read: Heavy by Kiese Laymon. This one felt vital top to bottom. It is race, body image, masculinity, love, violence, Mississippi, family, honesty, academia, addiction, JOY and “BLACK ABUNDANCE,” you name it. You don’t need me to tell you that Kiese Laymon is one of the most important writers of our generation. But for what it’s worth.
April Check-in: Aside from getting sick, this month has been really… splendid? “Splendid” has a sort of springtime loveliness to it. I went to a friend’s for a meat smoking party (yeah) where we played games and laughed ourselves into exhaustion. Had my pregnant girlfriend from home visit and got to experience this magical period of her life, just all the warm conversations about birth and motherhood and unpredictability. Then this weekend is the Broad Street Run: a 10-mile race that’s kind of a big thing here in Philly. I have low expectations for myself since I’m hacking up a lung and all, but I’m just excited to be racing. Since I started racing more over the last year, I’ve come to realize how good it is for my mental health. Having something to work toward, the electric energy of race day. It just makes me feel really fucking alive. Even when I’ve found myself lining up in 28-degree weather on day one of my period, just bouncing around to keep warm, rubbing my cramped lower abdomen, it’s like holy shit, everything is so real! Would love to bottle that feeling. So yeah, April! Not bad.
Recent Eats: An easy, filling go-to for me lately is some kind of “kitchen sink” skillet using whatever straggler groceries I have at the end of the week. Make this one: in the cast iron, sauté one chopped yellow onion and a clove of garlic in Kerrygold, add diced potatoes (microwave first so they’re soft and don’t take forever to cook), apple chicken sausage, halved cherry tomatoes, corn, and two eggs in little nests. Season with smoked paprika, umami, s&p. Pop it in the oven on 400 for a good 10 minutes or so. Top with avocado, green onions, and harissa mayo drizzle (not pictured).
That’s all for now. I’m going to go choke on some cough drops. Sending lots of love and good health your way.
Forgive me: I forgot to include shredded cheddar cheese in the skillet recipe. Crucial!
Loved "Heavy." Another good one in that vein: "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker."
Yum, that food looks fantastic!
My m.o. in the kitchen is often: (1) heat up the big cast iron skillet (2) gather stuff to toss in before it fully preheats, and anything is fair game: zucchini, sausage, sweet potatoes, onions, any greens.